Ho Ho Ho…..and stuff.
I went wandering through a Wal Mart yesterday on a short quest for cat food. All I wanted was a silly 9 million pound bag of Meow Mix for my two cats, who to my amazement…..asked for it by name. How could I deny them? I got them some Deli Treats for being such well behaved little pussies too. They don’t jump up on the counters. They stay off the tables. They only scratch on their pussy scratcher, and when I say, “Go to bed!”, they run into my room and stay there. Who says you can’t train a pussy or two?
So there I was in Wal Mart heading for the cat food isle when I noticed an avalanche of Christmas Crap. There was some chick whine-singing some nonsense about that Jesus guy in a lame country music style from the speakers in the ceiling. Then I spied rack of children’s toys, each containing a Jesus inaction figure. The toys were recommended for ages three and up. Woo. There was a whole bunch of other biblical inaction figures there ripe for the indoctrination of children on the terrors of Christianity as well.
Then I found the kid version of the nativity…..Like that actually happened! The set included Joe, Mary and the kid on his back in a plastic manger. The companion sets included the Three Wise Guys , Moe, Larry and Shemp, (or Curly if you buy the Catholic version). Another companion set contained some manger animals all with solemn but goofy grins on their faces. All this “religious” crap is designed to appeal to young children while twisting their minds into believing this stuff is an actual representation of historical events.
Oh wait, I forgot about the delusional nature of religion and religious history. Besides, the bible says so.
They have other religious terror sets for children too. Noah and the Ark. We all know that ark stuff is a historical fact. Oh you remember, the great flood where everyone and everything on the planet was flooded and killed because God was pissed off. The only survivors were Noah and his family…..and one pair of each species of animal stuffed on that ark. Talk about limiting the gene pool.
The remains of Noah’s ark are parked up on Mount Ararat where it came to rest as the flood waters receded. Ararat is in Turkey, but those mean non Christian Turk guys won’t let the good Christian righteous guys go look at it, or for it. Bastards! At least it gives the righteous Christian guys something to whine about. As if they don’t whine about enough already. Gays, abortion, Catholics, sex, the death and non-resurrection of the “American Family”, ad never ending holy and anointed infinitum.
You can get on Ararat once every ten years or so if a camera team from The History Channel doing a segment on “historic” global disasters. I watched one of those shows about the ark on Ararat once. It was a disaster.
I also found a Jonah and the Whale set complete with a cute smaller than Jonah whale. It even has a smile on it’s face. Kids will love that one. There’ was also s a roman soldier set. One guy looks a lot like a Sanhedrin standing between the pair of Romans. A prelude to the Easter sets perhaps?
Parents can get a Holy Land play mat for their little angels to set up their Christian Terror Inaction Figures and act out biblical history between Fruit Roll Up and cartoon breaks.
This is my idea of a Jesus toy….
Go Son of God! Kick ass, kill them all and let yer dad sort them out.
Back to Christmas…..I remember a time when Christmas didn’t happen till the day after Thanksgiving. Now the bombardment begins the day after Halloween. You gotta love these retail holidays disguised as actual biblical history. And what does dragging a dead pine tree into the house, setting it up in a corner of the living room, and hanging silly ornaments on it have to with the birth of Jesus?
Ohhhh, right….silly me. We’re celebrating the Pagan festival of Yule, the winter solstice, not the birth of Jesus. What the hell was I thinking?
