Crap!

My search for a compatible female submissive or switch continues. I can’t believe how difficult this has been. I’ve reopened my Collar Me profile and made a few changes in an effort to try again. I closed it because I was constantly bombed with contacts by males who can’t read a profile or are just plain stupid. Talk about frustration.

I’m moving to a new play space soon and will be able to begin hosting play parties this summer.  I’m excited about having the parties again but I may not until I have a compatible play partner.  I mean, I’m not thrilled a the prospect of playing Service Domme to a bunch of subs who want pain but give very little back for my effort.  I’ve grown beyond that.

I know what I want and I know who I want.  Even though she’s spoken of our connection in scene I seriously doubt she’s interested in working with me again, and I’m so not looking forward to watching her scene with another Dom/me.  Christ! The thought of that makes my heart hurt.

More on this fun stuff later.  Maybe.

Nine Levels of Submission

I’m really missing D/s play lately.  It feels like a piece of me is missing and I’m not very comfortable these days.  Complicating things is my search for a play partner has turned up no one except a few whining transvestites.  Go figure. Crap!  Those guys are a far cry from the female submissive or switch I’m looking for.

I’m a Domme and a damned good one too…..who happens to be minus a partner to express my kink with.  That way sux!  Oh well…maybe she’ll just drop into my lap one day and all will be good in my new play space.

Anyway, while I’m thinking about it below are the 9 levels of submission.

The Lady Canhamiana

Nine Levels of Submission by Diane Vera

Within the BDSM society, the meaning of a submissive means many different levels of acceptance of behavior. It also means that to one person saying i am a submissive, to another means they are a slave. Often times our understanding of what a submissive is or isn’t is confusing and will often lead to debates over the definition. Below i have listed my definitions of the levels of submission based upon my experience this could match yours or maybe it doesn’t but at least it is a starting point to understanding where i come from.

1. THE OUTRIGHT NON-SUBMISSIVE MASOCHIST or KINKY SENSUALIST

This type of person is someone who loves to be hurt exactly as they state don’t add anything or expect to derive personal pleasure or satisfaction for yourself if you are the one that is doing the hurting. This type of person only wants the things done that they request nothing more and nothing less. They get off merely from the pain no relationship is needed. There are No emotional ties, Nothing but pure pain. (Not into servitude, humiliation or giving up control; just pain and/or spiced-up sensuality, on the masochist’s own terms and for the masochist’s own direct pleasure (i.e. turned on solely/mainly by one’s own bodily sensations rather than by being “used” to gratify one’s partner’s sadism).

2. PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE.

Prefers to only play in a script type environment. This is not something they do all the time only every once in a while. Often times they will set the scene up themselves putting all props into place and giving an accounting of what they want to their partner. But don’t dare to bring in any ideas of your own for this is their play and any actors or actresses needed will be supplied by them. No servitude at anytime is allowed from this person. (Not into even playing “slave,” but into other “submissive” role-playing, e.g. schoolteacher scenes, infantilism, “forced” transvestism. Usually into humiliation, but NOT into servitude, even in play. Dictates the scene to a large degree.)

3. PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE.

Again one who prefers to write the script and have you follow the guidelines but likes to feel as if they are being used under certain scenarios. Usually this comes out within a certain fetish arena such as foot worship, cock sucking, etc., it is only for particular actions dictated by themselves. (Likes to play at being a slave; likes to feel subservient; may in some cases like to feel one is being “used” to gratify partner’s sadism; may even really serve the dominant in some ways, but only on the “slave’s” own terms. Dictates the scene to a large degree; often fetishistic (e.g. foot worshippers).

4. TRUE SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE.

This is a person who likes to give up control for limited times they agree to a scene and all it entails but is still the one who is directing in broad terms. They are not into this on a full time basis only for a specified time and scene. Is not interested in really giving up all control but does derive pleasure from serving another. (Really gives up control (only temporarily and within agreed-upon limits), but gets her/his main satisfaction from aspects of submission other than serving or being used by the dominant. Usually turned on by suspense, vulnerability, and/or giving up responsibility. Doesn’t dictate the scene except in very general terms, but still seek mainly her/his own direct/pleasure (rather than getting one’s pleasure mainly from pleasing the dominant).

5. TRUE SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE.

Temporarily gives up all control to selected partner does derive pleasure from serving the needs of the other rather then what is done. The pleasure comes from being used by another is not into pain necessarily and does not wish it to be every minute of their life but will submit for brief periods. (Really gives up control (though only temporarily; only during brief “scenes” and within limits) and gets main satisfaction from serving/being used by dominant-but only for FUN purposes, usually erotic. May/may not be into pain. If so, is turned on by pain indirectly, i.e. enjoys being the object of one’s partner’s sadism, on which the submissive places very few requirements or restrictions.

6. UNCOMMITTED SHORT-TERM BUT MORE THAN PLAY SEMI-SLAVE .

One who is committed to serving another but only when it suits their needs and desires still maintains control of when and where. And for how long. Is not particular about how necessarily but if it is not within their liking they will opt out of doing what is asked. Really gives up control (usually within limits); wants to serve and be used by the dominant; wants to provide practical/non erotic as well as fun/erotic services; but only when the “slave” is in the mood. May even act as a full-time slave for, say, several days at a time, but is free to quit at any time (or at the end of the agreed upon several days). May or may not have long-term relationship with one’s Mistress, but, either way, the “slave” has the final say over when she will serve.

7. PART-TIME CONSENSUAL-BUT REAL SLAVE.

This person is into a committed relationship and does regard oneself as property. Derives their pleasure from the Dominants/Owners pleasure. But still has outside commitments that the Dominant/Owner is not in control of but other then those commitments is at the disposal of their Dominants/Owners first and foremost. (Has an ongoing commitment to an owner/slave relationship and regards oneself as the dominant’s property at all times. Wants to obey and please Dom (me) in all aspects of life-practical/non erotic and fun/erotic. Devotes most of time to other commitments (e.g. job) but Dom (me) has first pick of the slave’s free time.)

8. FULL-TIME LIVE IN CONSENSUAL SLAVE.

This is a person who has given careful and through thought to giving up all responsibility to the outside world and has chosen to become 24/7 property of another to be used and treated as the other deems appropriate. This level of submission must be entered into fully conscience of the commitment entered into. By entering this arrangement you are giving all that you are and all that you have to another. The sole pleasure to this person is insuring beyond anything that their Owner’s happiness and comfort is first and foremost. Regardless of what is asked or demanded of them. There is a great deal of discussion necessary before undertaking this commitment. For even though the pleasure is derived from the Owner there is still the need and desire for recognition of being a human being. This is a mutually pleasing relationship if given the honesty and honor necessary to thrive. There are still limits but these are stated and understood by the Owner and the Owner has agreed to honor and protect and nourish their property to insure they’re well being. (Within no more than a few broad limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/himself, as existing solely for the Dom (me)’s pleasure/well being. Slave in turn expects to be regarded as a prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave’s position is more likely to be fully consensual, especially of the slave is male. Within the S/M world, a full time “slave” arrangement is entered into with an explicit awareness of the magnitude carefully, with more awareness of the magnitude of power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage.)

9. CONSENSUAL TOTAL SLAVE WITH NO LIMITS.

Though i have read from others that this is possible i find that it is much more based upon a fantasy one that truly cannot exist with out some form of brainwashing or trauma. Being a slave without limits of any kind is a person who has no thought or care for themselves as a human being and they are merely biding their time on this planet the best way they can to survive. In my experience there is always what i consider limits in each person i have met. i do not know of anyone who truly wishes to own someone who does not think or act for themselves. To be totally responsible for another’s thinking and actions can be extremely fatiguing and it is not a pleasure. i am not saying that it doesn’t happen i just feel that if it is happening then their is a question of the other person being able to give consent and know what they are consenting to. A common fantasy ideal which probably doesn’t exist in real life (except in authoritarian religious cults and other situations where the “consent” is induced by brainwashing and/or social or economic pressures, and hence isn’t fully consensual). A few S/M purists will insist that you aren’t really a slave unless you’re willing to do absolutely anything for your Dom (me), with no limits at all. I’ve met a few people who claimed to be no-limit slaves, but in all cases I have reason to doubt the claim.

“9 Levels of Submission” Copyright 1984 and 1988, Diane Vera

Somethng a little different….and stuff.

OK…I’ll admit it.  I’m a bit angry and maybe a bit hurt too, (but I won’t admit that…at least here)  at the moment.  Sush up!  I’m allowed to be.

Anyway since I’m in this mood I’m presenting the following in an attempt to….I dunno, think about something else.

First…..

This is my cyber-kid, Spike.

I’m so proud of him.  I taught my little Loin Fruit everything he knows.

Moving right along….This is my “HOW COME….” section.

How come I never find one of these sitting in the passenger seat of my beat up old Lincoln? Oh holy shit!!!

How come I never see one of these in my office?

So much for the how comes…..next its animals doing animal stuff…..

“So, uhhhh, what’s for dessert, Beautiful? “

The difference between cats and dogs.  Any questions?

Squirrel Wars! The Revenge of the Sith!

The day the Jedi Park Squirrels discovered the Squirrel Emperor was really the Sith Master.  But there’s a new hope….An exiled Jedi Master squirrel named Obi Wan Inoaktree who just happens to run into a young squirrel called Luke Nutcruncher born in a park far away from the evil Squirrel Empire……But first we have to suffer through a crappy back story about Luke Nutcruncher’s father…..then we have to wade through the lame reasoning behind the Squirrel Clone Wars…..Then there’s the sappy story about the fall of Luke’s father and the rise of the evil Squirrel Emperor ending with the birth of Luke….and his secret twin sister.  Next comes the story of Luke and his adventures with a nut pirate, a squirrel princess, and the old exiled Jedi Squirrel Mystic……..Then The Squirrel Empire has to strike back…..in the middle of winter of course….and  Luke learns who his real squirrel daddy is…..and gets his paw removed in a light saber duel up in an oak tree.  It all ends when the Jedi Squirrel returns….yeah it’s Luke Nutcruncher who along with the nut pirate and the squirrel princess…who just happens to be his secret twin sister ……(but not the old exiled Jedi Squirrel Mystic because he gets killed in a really squirrely light saber duel with Luke’s daddy, Darth Squirrely Yo!) kicks all the evil squirrel asses, ties everything up into a neat package…..and every squirrel in every park sings and dances…..roll final credits.

Blow a Bush for Turkey Day!

Birds Do it! Bees do it!  Apparently so do young Orangutans.

So would I.  You know, to human chick.

OK….silly human stuff……

Holy Shit!!! Even babes do it!  I wonder if they’ll remember this in the morning?

Dude! Only in your dreams!

Dude!  Only in your dreams too!!! And your shoes are stupid!

Guess what I’m having for breakfast…….beats Fruity Pebbles any day.  Mmmmmm delicious vanilla tits with little strawberry nipples….Fuck! Now I’m horny and hungry.

This is how I define…. Fucked!!!

Dunno why, but this makes perfect sense to me.  I love a special deal.

Canhamiana

Collars and Collaring

Below is conversation on collars from Fetlife I found interesting.  The only editing I’ve done is to remove the names and icons of those Dommes participating in the discussion.

hello,

what’s the difference between owned and collared, in your mind/practice? is there any difference? what are the implications of one versus the other?

thanks, y’all!

Responses (showing 7 of 7)

To me, there’s a HUGE difference. Collaring comes first. After a while, then, if it’s right, I might own them. I’ve only owned 2 people during my bdsm life of over 29 yrs.

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so the order is important. is that the only difference? what does collaring imply if not ownership? i’m still totally in the dark… i need elucidation of these terms.

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I would offer that it is a matter of perspective and preference. Some times we get emotionally vested in a thought pattern or belief and we forget that there are many points of view out there. I think for many people, collaring is a symbol of ownership, thus, for those folks, it is one in the same.

I am sure there are probably as many views on this as there are people who would offer them. My view point does not in any way trump or negate another’s. Great question though.

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Note: The following three comments are closest to how I practice and regard collars and collaring.  However, I have my own feelings as to what it means when I offer a collar.  I do not take collars and collaring lightly.  In my world a collar is a promise and declaration of love from me.  I may get around to writing about it in the future.

Canhamiana

In my practice, and in the traditions that I was taught, the two are the same. The wearing of a collar is a symbol of ownership. Collars are a signal that the person wearing the collar has entered into an agreement to submit to the person who has given them the collar.

There are all kinds of different ways of relating to each other as a Domina and a submissive…I happen to know that you have an adorable little doggie in human form! In my practice, I do conceptualize collars for slaves as having the same weight as a collar for my cat. Now, I’m not going to engage in BDSM play with my cat (as a matter of a fact, she tends to dominate me!), but she is dependent on me to provide her with a degree of love and care for as long as she is alive. When I formally collared my slave piggy, I promised him that I would monitor his health and well being to the best of my ability, and encourage him to make healthy lifestyle decisions (among other things). I further reinforced this commitment by promising his mother shortly before her death last year that I would always watch out for her boy. When I formally collar someone it assures them a lifelong affiliation with me. I haven’t been terribly successful with marriages, so collars are my way of creating lifelong relationships.

Of course, collars don’t have to symbolize a lifelong relationship…you can collar someone for an evening’s play, and declare them yours for the night. I almost always use collars to begin and end my professional scenes, as I find that it encapsulates the scene and really helps my clients to get into subspace. So, in that sense, the collar doesn’t symbolize a permanent ownership…just a temporary one, for an agreed upon amount of time. It’s a symbol that says, “you belong to me, and therefore, I own your ass!”…at least in my world.

Now this has gotten me to thinking that I should offer a class on D/s or bring it up as a point of discussion in another live forum…hmmm…

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All other differences aside, owning is part of the Master/ess & slave mindset. MAsT, etc.

Collaring is something that is done between dominant and submissive if they so choose; all of the business beyond that is negotiated, just like every variety of WIITWD.

My philosophy does not encompass ownership of any sort…because I have long believed that Western cultural models of relationships is selfishly focused. “I love you, you love me, therefor if you love or even look like you love anyone else, you don’t love me any more or as much, so I’ll cling to the one I love with all my might…” Love requires jealousy which equals possessing the love object which equals ownership equals slavery.

I just am not comfortable with the language of “slavery”.

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WOW! Not what I was expecting to see here. I am with Ms Elohi tho. You have to realize there is going to be a vast difference of opinions here.

I believe collaring should come after the ownership.

I did two years of research about the lifestyle, and spent another year or two after figuring out who I was and how I wanted to do things. And have now been in the lifestyle for six years. I am still new. I am not telling you my way is the best, just why I do it my way.

To me ownership is easily attained. A dom meets a sub and they click, hit off and decide to become a D/s relationship. The sub is handing over ownership of him/her self to the dom.

A collar to me is like a wedding band. It’s meant to last forever. It’s the most permanent bond of D/s and is NOT something to be taken lightly. This is something both parties are to inter into knowing fully well it will take work, commitment, devotion, from everyone involved.

Owning is somewhat like the dating stage of the lifestyle. Your looking for you perfect mate/mates. Depending on if your poly or not. Your likes and dislikes. Where, and what you plan to do with your life, and how you want to do it. When you meet the other half that fits your plans for now and future D/s life you then collar.

This is what I decided for me and how I see it to be. From talking to many that have been in the lifestyle for years, this is how many of them view it as well. I have heard it said that it has become as, Raven has put it, (the two are the same), by newer people in the lifestyle. Though, from what I have seen, many even those that have been around for awhile do see that way as well.

So I would have to say, it means what it means to each person. The lifestyle in every part is what it means to you. You have to figure it out for yourself, and chose your way of doing things. Just remember, there is no right or wrong way to do things. Just differences. You don’t have to agree, just respect others choices to do it different.

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Well, collar could symbolize a Ds or Ms relationship. But those relationships do differ from Owner/property relationships. To my way of thinking a sub/slave is still a human being. But when someone is considered as, or considers themselves as property- they identify less- than- human. More like one might own an antique vase, or prized AKC show dog, or sports car… One as property is owned and therefor transferable and disposable property. Just a different mindset. At least this is what I have been led to believe through what I have seen and heard over the years.

Alternative Energy Revolution…..from xkcd

Mr. Gore is still out there….somewhere….chasing Manbearpig. I’m totally cereal!